Doubt Comes Naturally
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| 12th-13th century Mosaic depicting Jesus walking on water in Matthew 14:22-33. The Cathedral of Monreale, Sicily. |
A few years ago I was in a Biblical Interpretation class and I was ecstatic because my group and I had the opportunity to teach this story. When it was my turn to present I began by explaining how faith in the context of this story meant trusting the words of Jesus when Peter’s mind told him otherwise.
Sometimes people fear having doubt or bury their feelings and concerns about God under hollow statements of faith. But having doubt is a natural thing and it is wrong to repress doubt and hide it under the rug. You might think that odd that I say that, but the reality is while Peter may have been many things, he was not stupid. He was an experienced sailor and fisherman who knew what would happen if he got out of the boat during a storm. He would drown.
Peter sometimes gets a bad rap for faltering after he got out of the boat, but I believe we should truly give him credit for getting out of the boat to begin with just because Jesus told him to. Furthermore, look at all the other disciples in the boat in comparison to Peter floundering in the waves. In the mosaic above I love how Peter's eyes are locked upon Jesus his Savior. While his moment of faith may have gotten him out of the boat, unlike all the rest of the disciples who stayed in their comfort zone, it was Peter's moment of doubt that gave him a personal encounter with God's saving grace.
Truth be told, having faith is what came unnaturally in this story, because for Peter, faith meant trusting God when his mind told him otherwise.
A Fall of Faith
Now, to illustrate this lesson about faith in the class, I needed a volunteer. And so, naturally I asked my Professor to come up to the front. Now its important to note that I hadn’t discussed with him beforehand anything of what I had planned for the class, or his "participating" in it. To his surprise, I pulled out of my pocket a blindfold and I told him I wanted him to do a trust fall with me to illustrate having faith in the midst of doubt. Crazy as it sounds, he actually agreed to do it, taking his glasses off and setting them on a nearby desk as I tied my yellow bandana around his eyes so he couldn’t see.
First, I stood behind him and asked him if he trusted me to catch him and naturally he said he did.
Satisfied with his faith, I moved to his right side and asked him again if he still trusted me to not let him hit the floor even though I was now standing beside him rather than behind him. Again he said he trusted me.
But I wanted to push him further and so I moved in front of him and staring into his blindfolded face I said “Do you STILL trust me that when I tell you to fall backwards I won’t let you hit the floor even though I'm in front of you now?” He had to think about this one a bit more for good reason but he finally said, “I do trust you.”
But I had one more test, and for this one I ran all the way to the back of the classroom (and this was a big lecture hall) and shouted out: “DO YOU STILL TRUST ME TO CATCH YOU WHEN IF I TELL YOU TO FALL????”
And after a pause he said: “Yes…” to which I shouted back: “Well then… FALL!!!”
My professor stood there a minute and began to lean backwards. But in that moment once he was committed to falling, he involuntarily tried to catch himself as he stumbled back falling down into the arms of my five group members who he did not know had been standing behind him the whole time waiting to catch him.
Afterwards my professor told me he had to work on his faith. In that moment natural doubt kicked in because in his mind there was no way I could catch him being on the other side of the room. The reality was, unknown to him, that I had already orchestrated his “being caught” before he even began to lean.
Faith is a Gift
In every walk of faith there comes a point where faith demands we take a leap into the unknown, in sheer abandon of self, trusting that God will be there for us even if we do not have proof of this fact. Faith means we trust God even when our minds give us reasons why we should doubt.
Faith is challenging precisely because God often calls us to take steps of faith that require us to go beyond our comfort zones. Sometimes it can even feel like we are going at it alone. All this to say, I encourage you regardless of how you feel to not give up on God. I affirm your feelings of fear in those moments of struggle. It is truly ok to have doubt.
You might have heard doubt is a faith killer, but that simply is not true. Doubt is just a natural part of learning how to trust someone. Putting fully your life in the hands of someone else, even if just for a moment, is scary. It is completely natural to immediately regret taking a profound leap of faith by stumbling, flailing, and doing anything you can to try and save yourself in your own strength.
Faith is scary because it looks like taking a first step away from sure footing into the unknown whatever may happen and whatever the cost. We all hope to "walk on water," but for most people "walking by faith" looks more like treading water in a fight of survival.
Now I said earlier that faith comes to us unnaturally, but by that I mean faith is supernatural. In other words, faith is a gift from God. When we struggle to believe, we too can pray the prayer of the man in Mark 9:24 who told Jesus: “I do believe! Help me overcome my unbelief.”
I just want to encourage you to hang in there even through a storm of doubts might be overwhelming you. While having faith does not mean life will be all puppies and rainbows, having faith does mean you have someone you can hope in.
Also, faith is not just about believing in God. Having faith is also about coming to an understanding that God actually believes in you. No matter what happens, how much I might not deserve this faith, or stumble, fall, and let God down: God has faith in me. God has faith in you as you are right now. That right there is an empowering truth. AMEN.
Ron Ullrich is an Associate Pastor at
Generations of Grace in Lebanon, TN
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